Hmmm…. Long day. Work day #2 of 2. But it wasn’t the hours that made me worn out & weary. Over the weekend, the 20 something year old son of one of my colleagues was in an accident. As serious accident. He was airlifted from cottage country to a major urban trauma centre. A chunk of his skull was removed to relieve the pressure of swelling & he is now in a medically induced coma. It is unclear if he will survive, or what that life may look like. I can think of little else right now.
I remember back to my kids’ most serious injuries: carseat (with infant in it) tipping off the island, landing upside down on the stairs. Lots of screaming (his) and a bloody nose. I so clearly remember the sense of panic. All three have cartwheeled down the stairs & the bumpity bump bump thud is stomach churning. But to have your child in hospital, in ICU, hooked up to monitors and drains and intubated and having conversations with neurosurgeons… I can’t fathom it. My heart and prayers go out to this mum who must be so terrified and distraught.
As I drove home last night, in the dark, with the far off city lights of skyscrapers and the CN Tower beckoning, I thought of our blog. It suddenly seemed so indulgent and frivolous in comparison to such tragic news. “What the hell are we doing?!” I thought to myself. But then slowly, I had this revelation…. This tragedy taught me that the blog IS important. It is about valuing life and not just sleepwalking through my life. It forces me to consider things differently, to reflect on things more, and to open myself up to the idea of risking judgement to share those thoughts. To search for art and beauty and humor and inspiration, because none of us know when it could all end. My career is powerful and fulfilling and I like to think that it effects change. But often times it is heavy and saturated with sorrow and anguish. Being a mother is mighty and satisfying, but it is also about giving and being selfless and rarely having my own time to reflect and indulge. Being a wife is one of my greatest joys, but my bright, creative husband does not like to deconstruct books and movies and songs to look for the meaning and richness and multi-layered textures.
So perhaps this is the space to explore meaning through creativity so that my life, and the people who share this space with me, will have some precious bits of beauty, be it books, songs, movies, works of art, food, or even a fine, fine pair of well crafted Frye boots to enjoy. And to feel connected to each other, even when 2100 miles separate us.
Sleep well.
Jennie xo
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